can you just tell me that there's nothing wrong with me? that there's not just some switch where guys like me for a while and then just stop completely. that i don't show that i'm as much of a mess as i feel on the inside.

alright so these are the things currently going on

courtney and brian are getting married october 30th... reception is at the wedding, avi the jew is getting ordained and marrying them... he also wants to marry me the same date,, please help. lol

i am now friends with one of the other girls kyle strings along and we are now going to halloween dressed as this




because its the funniest thing EVER

me and court are starting our promotions company soon Unleashed Entertainment which will be sweet, we are talking to JMP for ideas and stuff, and also having a silent auction with signed stuff so wHILE YOURE OUT ROCKSTARING IT UP WITH BANDS IF YOU CAN GET DRUMSTICK S SIGNED OR ANYTHING ID LOVE YOU!!!!!

i miss you tons :( 




this is me and kel crying our eyes out at her going away :( 

figure yourself out, i'll be here

i can't lose you, i'll lose my mind

i've never been so scared.

you were from a perfect world, a world that took you away.

she is tess
she is my best friend in the whole wide world
-superhero
currently a refugee poster under protective custody with BIA (BULL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY) seeking assilum from AS drama

what happened?

PS:

WHERE THE FUCK IS ERIK!?!?!?


/sigh

well you're not brave if you still keep the letters
and you're not sane if you don't want to get better
and you're not drunk if you can stay in your lane

well you're not awake but you haven't been sleeping
and you hate god but you still believe in him
and you're not scared but you still got you're eyes closed

the sky explodes, and only you know


i want you to worry when i don't call you back

her. a one stop shop for what your heart desires. an uninhibited seductress of life and love, love and life; she'll blow your mind with a kiss. him. a mastermind of mass destruction, a james dean work of art lacking in modesty but never charm. together. a plethora of reservations and speeding heartbeats and penetrating thoughts nagging at the back of the mind. glassy eyes burning icy thighs makes for excruciating beauty she says. i want to know more about you he says.

flashback.

isn't it lovely to find out you were only a craving to be satisfied? a starlet who makes stars sweat, it’s the price she pays. just another empty cell of carnal desire molded with black leather and fishnet stockings. the taste of sin, the remnants of a life time of being used; her bite marks are angry. she'll bite to tear skin tonight. skin vs skin, bones on bones, scratches and moans; muffled screams from between the sheets. she will never be let down again.



so choke on your words and breathe through their lies, baby, they’re all the dignity you’ve got. exhale.

present.

tick tock tick. her. mind is racing and she's still chasing the monsters from beneath her bed. him. observing from the mezzanine balcony; watching the clock, her scarlet lips, the sway of her hips. the time he kills is killing him. tugging at each other's heartstrings with each hasty, awkward glance. tick tock tick. precautions slowly shed like negligee on the bedroom floor. i’d armor that heart if you’d let me he says. i want to know more about you she says.

flashback.

born to make you sweat, make you hate, make you regret everything you thought you knew; his confidence bleeds out from his icy blues. a million a princess, no dragon to slay. like a stale piece of gum, she'll lose her taste. place your bets on this lackluster love; another empty cell to one more polished trophy case. but you're not a hero if you leave her broken on the floor. and you didn't love her until she walked out the door. it’s cold and it’s old and the fame died away; what he’s left with is “too little too late”.



so breathe in those half-smoked james dean cigarettes, baby, they’re all the safety you’ve got. exhale.

present.

rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony get clobbered on by courtesy in love with love and lousy poetry and i'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense and i'm losing all those games i swore i'd never play but it almost feels okay circumnavigate this body of wonder and uncertainty armed with every precious failure and amateur cartography i'm breathing deep before i spread those maps out on my bedroom floor

you made me physically sick when i saw you. you're such a fucking joke. it used to be you and me. we would laugh over everything and do stupid shit just because we could. how could you let this happen to us? i miss it. i don't want to be 30 years old the next time we get to do our mom and daughter thing. and have girl talk. i cant. do. this. without you. it's not fair i want you back. you're not even the same person. come back. please? i can't. i don't want to do all these things without you. i want to tell you about boys, about work, about amazing spontaneous adventures i go on just like you did. you're the person that gave me the most inspiration in the world and now LOOK AT YOU. you're nothing.

what happened.
come back.
please.